The first step

So, I've taken the first step to losing half of the woman I am today. 

It all started last week, at my yearly checkup.  My doctor told me I needed to be real with myself when it came to weight loss.. and that I should consider the Lap Band.  I thought about it and was convinced that surgery was the only way I was going to lose weight.  So this past Monday, I went to a weight loss surgery seminar.  I got lots of good information and then checked with my insurance.  They will cover the surgery, but I have to undergo a 6 month doctor assisted weight loss program first.

So that got me motivated to really get this weight off me, without the surgery.  I may have finally found my motivation to get past my addiction -- surgery.  I don't like it.. I know who does.. but I really don't want the surgery.  I don't want to give up on being able to beat my food addiction without the surgery. 

So Ricco and I have decided to give it 2 years.  That's how long they say it will take to lose about 70% of the weight you need to lose after gastric bypass surgery.  If I can lose that much on my own in that time period, then no surgery.  If not, then I'll revisit the surgery idea again.  So, I'm counting down to 2012.  By March of 2012, I need to be down to 220.  I'm hoping to be much less than that by then, but it's time to be realistic. 

I'm not going on some big, new fad diet.  I'm working on changing my entire lifestyle.  And I'm looking at this like I have no other option.  That's the only way I beat my smoking addiction -- I was pregnant and had no choice but to quit.  For food, if I don't beat that addiction then I will have to have surgery.  And that's just something I don't want.

The things I will be working on:
-making sure I don't eat just for fun, or out of habit
-getting up and exercising regularly
-getting on a better sleeping pattern
-waking up earlier to start my day earlier so I can get to everything that I need to get to
-change my eating habits, eat at home more and eat healthier foods
-pray when things get difficult, pray when I want to eat but don't need to, pray when I just can't get up to exercise but need to

I'm starting to make plans on several fronts: a regular exercise schedule (today I took the kids to the park and we walked for 30 minutes before letting them stop to play on the playground), making a meal plan for the week, getting new recipies, going back and reviewing information from a healthy living class I took last week and putting those things into play, I'm looking into going to an OA meeting.  OA stands for overeaters annonymous and is similar other addict recovery programs.

I'm writing this blog about it all.  It's for several reasons.  One, accountability.  Addicts need accountability, although we don't want it.  Two, I want to journal about the process to keep you in on my progress.  Three, I also want to use this as a time for reflection, and therapeutic healing.  And finally, I want to be able to look back and see my own progress.

Let me know what you think about all of this.  Be honest with me.  And please pray for me.  This is going to be an emotional, physically and spiritually exhausting journey.  But one I am very thankful God is allowing me to take.  I don't like who I am right now.. not the way I look or the way I feel about myself.  I am looking forward to being different in the near future.  I want to be the happy, optimistic person I used to be.  I want to be able to be more active and not so dependent on everyone else helping me.  I want to be able to help others.

Enough rambling for tonight.  By the way, this is the second night of not eating after dinner.  That's a HUGE step for me.  I've wanted to, even though I wasn't ever hungry.  But I remembered to pray and ask God for the strength to get past those urges.  That's what this is going to take.. His strength.