Rewards and Motivation

They (weight loss experts) say it's good to set up small rewards for yourself along the way, to keep you motivated.  My big reward is a tropical vacation (not to mention my health, a longer life, more fun with my kids and husband, etc.).  I haven't been this excited about something in a long time.. that vacation seems to really motivate me.  Every time I want to eat something naughty, or sit on my behind and not exercise, I think, "Is it worth delaying my vacation?"

So I've come up with awards at 25 pound increments along the way.  I thought I'd share them with you.. and I need an idea or two from you, because I've found that I don't really know myself all that well.  Here goes.

1. When I get under 300 pounds, I get to go on an overnight getaway with my best friend Angie.  Don't know where we'll go yet, but that'll be part of the fun--planning the getaway.  So we don't even get to start planning until I am at most 299.

2. Under 250 pounds, I get to go on a weekend getaway with Ricco.  No kids, no animals, no internet, limited phone access.. just us, somewhere for 2 nights.  I'm thinking somewhere in the mountains.  Maybe the same place we went on our honeymoon.  It was a little place along the Blue Ridge Parkway called Doe Run Lodge.

3. Under 200 pounds, we're going to Carowinds.  I haven't been able to go on a roller coaster in years because I've been too big, and I LOVE roller coasters.  So this is one I'm really looking forward to.  I could probably go at 225, but I don't want to chance being told that I don't fit, so I'm waiting until 200.

4. At 175, my goal weight, I'm going on a tropical vacation.  I've already talked about this one, so I won't bore you with the details again.

So, as you can see, I don't have any rewards planned for 275 or 225.  I don't want a shopping spree to be one of the rewards; because that's just something I'm going to have to do anyway. 

I was thinking about 225 to be go skating.  I loved to skate back in the day.  I wasn't that great, but I enjoyed it.  Now, it's too dangerous for me, though.  I could easily break a bone if I fell because of my weight.  I think 225 could be a good goal for that, but I may still be too heavy.

But first, I need to come up with something for 275.  That's the milestone coming before 225.  I haven't been that small in nearly 10 years.  I was 250 when I got pregnant with Avery.  I gained 42 pounds with her.  I lost 20 the day I had her, and then lost even more when I had my gallbladder taken out a few months later.  I definitely got down to my pre-pregnancy weight after that.  I don't know when I went back up, but I'm sure it wasn't too much longer.  It's all a blur -- I was too busy working and taking care of Avery, and not myself.  Then I was working overnights, sleeping crazy hours and planning a wedding.  I don't even know how much I weighed when I got married.  Isn't that silly?

So, send me your suggestions.  Things you know that I used to like to do, but haven't been able to because of my weight, or because of my lack of motivation and self-esteem.  I'm hoping I'll get to the 275 pound milestone by Christmas this year, so we've got some time.

BTW: writing this blog has helped me see what words and phrases I use way too often.  One of them is the word "so".  I'll try to stop using it so freely. :)

The first step

So, I've taken the first step to losing half of the woman I am today. 

It all started last week, at my yearly checkup.  My doctor told me I needed to be real with myself when it came to weight loss.. and that I should consider the Lap Band.  I thought about it and was convinced that surgery was the only way I was going to lose weight.  So this past Monday, I went to a weight loss surgery seminar.  I got lots of good information and then checked with my insurance.  They will cover the surgery, but I have to undergo a 6 month doctor assisted weight loss program first.

So that got me motivated to really get this weight off me, without the surgery.  I may have finally found my motivation to get past my addiction -- surgery.  I don't like it.. I know who does.. but I really don't want the surgery.  I don't want to give up on being able to beat my food addiction without the surgery. 

So Ricco and I have decided to give it 2 years.  That's how long they say it will take to lose about 70% of the weight you need to lose after gastric bypass surgery.  If I can lose that much on my own in that time period, then no surgery.  If not, then I'll revisit the surgery idea again.  So, I'm counting down to 2012.  By March of 2012, I need to be down to 220.  I'm hoping to be much less than that by then, but it's time to be realistic. 

I'm not going on some big, new fad diet.  I'm working on changing my entire lifestyle.  And I'm looking at this like I have no other option.  That's the only way I beat my smoking addiction -- I was pregnant and had no choice but to quit.  For food, if I don't beat that addiction then I will have to have surgery.  And that's just something I don't want.

The things I will be working on:
-making sure I don't eat just for fun, or out of habit
-getting up and exercising regularly
-getting on a better sleeping pattern
-waking up earlier to start my day earlier so I can get to everything that I need to get to
-change my eating habits, eat at home more and eat healthier foods
-pray when things get difficult, pray when I want to eat but don't need to, pray when I just can't get up to exercise but need to

I'm starting to make plans on several fronts: a regular exercise schedule (today I took the kids to the park and we walked for 30 minutes before letting them stop to play on the playground), making a meal plan for the week, getting new recipies, going back and reviewing information from a healthy living class I took last week and putting those things into play, I'm looking into going to an OA meeting.  OA stands for overeaters annonymous and is similar other addict recovery programs.

I'm writing this blog about it all.  It's for several reasons.  One, accountability.  Addicts need accountability, although we don't want it.  Two, I want to journal about the process to keep you in on my progress.  Three, I also want to use this as a time for reflection, and therapeutic healing.  And finally, I want to be able to look back and see my own progress.

Let me know what you think about all of this.  Be honest with me.  And please pray for me.  This is going to be an emotional, physically and spiritually exhausting journey.  But one I am very thankful God is allowing me to take.  I don't like who I am right now.. not the way I look or the way I feel about myself.  I am looking forward to being different in the near future.  I want to be the happy, optimistic person I used to be.  I want to be able to be more active and not so dependent on everyone else helping me.  I want to be able to help others.

Enough rambling for tonight.  By the way, this is the second night of not eating after dinner.  That's a HUGE step for me.  I've wanted to, even though I wasn't ever hungry.  But I remembered to pray and ask God for the strength to get past those urges.  That's what this is going to take.. His strength.